Can You Be Too Self-Aware?

The paradox of healing and overthinking. When reflection becomes rumination.

There are days when I feel like I’m stuck inside a 24/7 podcast hosted by my own inner voice.

"Why did I say that?"
"Was that boundary too harsh or not harsh enough?"
"Is this anxiety... or am I just finally paying attention?"
"Is my nervous system shot?"

I don’t journal every day anymore. Because when I do, I don’t know if I’m processing or spiraling. Am I healing or just looping the same narratives over and over again, like a broken record.

Sometimes, therapy has me journaling like I’m filing an annual report on my emotional instability. “Q1 triggered by unresolved mommy issues. Inner child still acting feral. Outlook remains foggy.”

There’s a fine line between introspection and intellectualizing your pain to the point that it becomes performance. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve crossed it.

I was taught to reflect. Taught that awareness is the first step. That clarity will give me power. That if I can understand it, I can navigate it.

But that’s the scam, right? We think if we understand ourselves enough, we’ll suffer less. Spoiler alert: you still suffer. You just do it in MLA format.

And here’s what they didn’t tell us in therapy: you can get addicted to the search for meaning. You can confuse over-analysis with progress. You can become so aware of your patterns, your triggers, your wounds, that it becomes hard to exist outside of them.

Like walking around with an emotional Google Doc open at all times, redlining your every interaction.

And the worst part? You start thinking everyone else should be doing it too.

It makes dating hard. Friendship harder. Because when you’ve been trained to sit with your emotions, to track your trauma, to label every feeling before it even settles, you start expecting that level of awareness in return. And most people are just… not there. Nor do they want to be.

So what do you do when your healing becomes isolating?

I’m still figuring that out.

But lately, I’m trying something radical. I’m trying to shut up. Just for a bit. Not everything needs a takeaway. Not every feeling needs to be unpacked. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is feel something and not make a note of it.

Healing is important. But so is being human.

And sometimes, that means letting things go before you fully understand them.

And sometimes, being human means not knowing why you're crying in the grocery aisle… just knowing that it’s okay. You can analyse it later. Or not at all.